Scientology and Me

We were fortunate enough to have some extra time to spend in Manhattan today and yesterday.

Yesterday, as any good tourist does, we were sure to visit Times Square. On our way through the over crowded sidewalks, while being blinded by overly flashy, animated billboards, we were offered an advertisement bill. Ajay and I, without thinking, passed right by. However, about two steps later Ajay stopped dead in his tracks. I heard him mutter something about Dianetics and Scientology. He turned back and asked the guy for a bill. The man in the black coat was ecstatic about getting rid of one of his flyers. Sure enough, the bill was advertising a free video about Dianetics at the church of Scientology. At this point, our fate was sealed. The Church of Scientology was right off of Time Square. Hooray Tom Cruise's money! We would have to return the following day to see what this enigma of a religion was all about.

We returned to Manhattan the following day with a visit to the CoS firmly set in our agenda. We fought our way through the jungle of people in Time Square to 46th St. Rose and Nashma accompanied us willingly (mostly). We made a left, and it was there that the CoS loomed above us like a clown on stilts. After a few pictures, we entered cautiously. The scene before us appeared to be more of a museum/ cafe rather than a church. We were greeted by an energetic investment banker named Linda[sic?]. She informed us that the movie would be starting again in four minutes, and she invited us to some milano cookies and fresh coffee while Tom Cruise rambled about how Scientology was an answer to life on some LCD screen in the background. Linda asked us our names. I'd say it was at about this point she realized we weren't very serious about Scientology due to the fact that we introduced ourselves as Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Chandler. Apparently, she had all the seasons of Friends on DVD.

When the video was ready, Linda led us into a 12x12 ft. all black room with red velvet chairs and a movie screen. She announced that she would be back when the movie was over to see what we thought.

The movie was about a guy named Jerry who played football for Marist in the 50s. In true Hollywood fashion, the movie was in the form of a drama with professional actors and cinematography. Jerry lost the use of his legs after being hit pretty hard during a football game. He later found himself in a hospital being examined by cruel doctors. The doctors informed him that there may be a very small chance he could walk again if he paid for years of therapy that would cost him tens of thousands of dollars. Frantic, Jerry didn't know what to do. Until one day, his girlfriend left a copy of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard by his side. Jerry read all about how the unconscious mind hinders personal growth and how we're all prisoners of our subconscious and how the subconscious remembers everything and blah blah blah. He then closed his eyes, thought really hard, and wiggled his big toe. He then got up and danced around the room. The doctors were baffled and told him he should lie down for more tests. Jerry basically said "Peace B!tches." The movie proceeded to show images of Jerry with his family and all that mooshy, gooshy Hollywood B.S. The outro consisted of big block letters telling us to buy and read Dianetics.

Upon exiting the theater, we glanced at the gold leafed meeting hall and proceeded down stairs. Linda immediately met us with several copies of Dianetics. We asked her some questions about the "science" of Dianetics. All of which led to ambiguous answers and references to other L. Ron Hubbard books. Apparently, the only way to learn more about Scientology is to buy more books. Brilliant! Linda showed us a book displaying common questions about Scientology and promptly left us. This mostly concluded our adventure. We bid her farewell and thanked her for showing us around.

I think I'll go invent my own religion too...